Well, things are not great. Can you tell? I haven’t posted in longer than I’ve wanted to because….ugh. This isn’t to say that I’m back where I started, it’s mostly like…5 lbs shouldn’t be this hard to take off, you know? Especially when, even AFTER those 5 lbs are gone, I will still be 20+ lbs. away from what is considered a non-overweight BMI. Now, I don’t even put that much stock in the BMI, as a personal reference to what is healthy on me, but it means that even if I wanted to get down 10 more lbs. (which, eventually, I would like), than it will take approximately forever.
Ok, drama aside, I’ve been weighing myself every day, which, again…is not ideal. I think because I knew I had a weekend of a lot of eating, and Monday is apparently my weigh-in day, so it was up to 194, and then 191 on Tuesday, and then 190 Wednesday, Thursday and today….even though I have ostensibly been doing “well”. Like, brushing my teeth early, no snacking, healthy meals and no seconds kind of well. The kind of well that is sustainable, it feels like. The kind of well I wanted to be doing in the first half of my challenge.
The thing is, I’ve read that your body sort of has a natural weight that it sits at most comfortably, and barring some change, it generally equalizes back at that point. So, from age 15 to 25, that weight was about 175. Sometimes lower (during hockey season), sometimes a little higher (any other season). I didn’t weigh myself too often, but it was usually around there and I wore the same clothes for a million years and never thought twice about it. That’s not true, I always wanted to be smaller, but I never tried that hard, because I was athletic and ate decently already. Then I turned 25, almost immediately started gaining weight, and sat at 210 for the next 5 years. Post-adolescent metabolism change? Probably something like that. I didn’t like it, but there I was. So…I decide on this challenge, buy a scale, and have sat at 190 for a few weeks…is this my new normal? I can’t tell how I got here, or why, or if the effort I’m putting in (though somewhat minimal, in the world of weight-loss), is even making a difference, or if my body has just found a new resting point for the moment. My question now is…what’s happening?
Ok, I have 38 days left until the challenge is over, and soon after that, I have college reunion (not my year, but I’ll know tons of people there), and soon after that, a wedding. 185 is not a drastic goal, but it’s one worth hitting. I need to be really ever-present in my day to day to get to that place and be happy for myself when I get there. It is possible. I just…want to know now if I’m fighting with my body, or against it.